{"id":806,"date":"2026-08-08T10:22:59","date_gmt":"2026-08-08T10:22:59","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/drshariahbuzello.com\/?p=806"},"modified":"2026-08-08T10:56:09","modified_gmt":"2026-08-08T10:56:09","slug":"the-stress-of-de-stressing-the-honest-truth","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/drshariahbuzello.com\/de\/the-stress-of-de-stressing-the-honest-truth\/","title":{"rendered":"The Stress of De-stressing. The honest truth !"},"content":{"rendered":"

Has anyone told you to just de-stress? “Just breathe.” “Meditate.” “Practice mindfulness.” It sounds so simple, so chill, so\u2026 “ohm.” About ten years ago, living within a very dysregulated nervous system, I decided it would be valuable for me to learn. I’m a quick learner, and a disciplined one at that, so I thought: “No problem – learn one or two techniques and sink into blissful inner peace.”<\/p>\n\n\n\n

In all honesty, if someone had told me it would turn into quite the mission, I would have laughed out loud.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

But before I tell you what happened, let me ask you something. How do you consciously de-stress right now, or are you someone who says “I don’t have time” – or, like I used to say, “I don’t have time to waste my time”? Deadlines, childcare, studies, duties – the list goes on. I used to run, run, run around like a decapitated chicken, never considering what the constant activation cost me.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

What do you tell yourself?<\/h2>\n\n\n\n

Maybe you tell yourself you’ll unwind on holiday, or as soon as work calms down. Maybe you scroll your phone until your eyes go blurry. Maybe you pour a glass of wine, or two. Maybe you find yourself venting at the driver who cut you off, or raising your voice at someone you love, or just collapsing into bed too exhausted to think about consciously de-stressing.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

None of the above is judgment – in fact, I think it applies to many of us. It certainly applied to me. I think it’s incredibly human: we do whatever we can to regulate our nervous systems. Sometimes we just need a sustainable way to get there – learning some skills and practicing them.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Easier said than done. Let me tell you about two of the stops on my winding road to relaxation nirvana.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

My meditation disaster<\/h2>\n\n\n\n

I received a book on meditation for beginners from a friend of mine years ago. In retrospect, it was probably intended as a gentle hint. The first time I tried a three-breath meditation, it freaked me out completely. I started out thinking, “Three breaths\u2026 easy peasy.” But believe me, those three breaths passed in painful slow motion. It was pure torture sitting still when every part of me wanted to get up and leave the room. Pure torture, finding quiet in my mind when a storm of thoughts was raging through it. I stopped before the third breath, feeling even more stressed than before I’d started. I tried a few more times\u2026 and gave up.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Then came progressive muscle relaxation, PMR – next stop on Route Stressless. Ironic, given how it went. This time in a group. I assumed that strength in numbers (or peer pressure, as some may call it) – the collective pursuit of relaxation- would motivate me, that it would rub off on me. I fell asleep during my first session; I’d chosen to lie down, which apparently triggered my sleep reflex. In the following session, I found my muscles even more tense after the exercise. After my third try, I gave up.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Why couldn’t I learn these seemingly simple techniques? I had set an intention. I had made time. I genuinely wanted to change. So why was relaxation making me feel worse?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\"20,000<\/span>
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20,000 breaths per day. How many have you consciously taken?<\/p>\n<\/div><\/div>\n\n\n\n

My honest truth<\/h2>\n\n\n\n

The answer, when I finally found it, was humbling – and also a relief.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I was running on adrenaline. Constantly. I was a single mother, managing two jobs, a house, and applying perfectionist standards to every single area of my life. My nervous system had adapted to a state of high activation. That was my baseline. When I sat down and tried to be still, those stress hormones didn’t just politely disappear. They were still firing. And the stillness felt like a threat, not rest.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The techniques weren’t wrong. They just weren’t matched to where I actually was.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

What finally worked<\/h2>\n\n\n\n

I stopped trying to leap from activation to stillness and started looking for methods that could meet my nervous system where it was.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

What helped me wasn’t one thing – it was a combination. Ear acupuncture. EFT tapping. Movement-based practices. Approaches that didn’t demand silence first, but gradually helped my system learn it was safe to slow down.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I accidentally bumped into PMR <\/a>again during my training in psychotherapy. It turned out to be a totally different experience, largely thanks to the amazing trainer I had. Motivated by the positive effects it had on my nervous system, I went on to get my certification as a trainer. Today I practice nervous system regulation daily – and it has genuinely changed how I move through the world.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I’m not a perfect 10 of calm. I probably never will be. But on a scale of 0 (zero inner peace) to 10 (Buddhist ohm), ten years ago I was a solid 0. Today, with practice, I’m comfortably at 6 or above most days. I’ll take that.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

What I wish for you to take from this<\/h2>\n\n\n\n

Beginning to de-stress can feel stressful. That’s not necessarily a sign you’re doing it wrong – it’s a sign your body has been working very hard for a very long time, and it needs a careful, gentle approach to learn that it’s safe to rest.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

You might need support at the start. That’s not weakness – in fact, you’ve probably had to be strong for way too long.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

If you’re curious to know where you’re starting from, take my free stress self-assessment by clicking the link – it takes less than two minutes and gives you a personalised result.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

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Take a free stress test<\/a><\/div>\n<\/div>\n\n\n\n

And if you’d like support on the path from wherever you are to somewhere that feels more like you, I’m here.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

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Book a session<\/a><\/div>\n<\/div>\n\n\n\n
<\/div>","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Has anyone told you to just de-stress? “Just breathe.” “Meditate.” “Practice mindfulness.” It sounds so simple, so chill, so\u2026 “ohm.” About ten years ago, living within a very dysregulated nervous system, I decided it would be valuable for me to learn. I’m a quick learner, and a disciplined one at that, so I thought: “No […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":316,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-806","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-uncategorized"],"aioseo_notices":[],"aioseo_head":"\n\t\t\n\t\n\t\n\t\n\t\n\t\n\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t